Global warming: 124 Republicans found stranded on Massachusetts beach

Posted on Dec 5 2018 - 6:47pm by Ricarda Stevenson

Cape Cod, MA – It was an unusual sight for Moose Delaney, 74, retired plumber, when last Monday during his morning jog he saw dozens of dark figures lying on a beach close to the shack where he resides.

“At first I thought it was a bunch of survivors from some party, one of the many held around here during the season”, says Mr. Delaney, “when I realized it was actually stranded Republicans still wearing their suits“.

It was a total of 124 Republicans beached in Cape Cod, just in front of the Italian Restaurant “Alfredo”. Mr. Delaney claims he realized immediately it was Republicans because they where wearing pins about “The Big Climate Warming Hoax” or “Coal for a brighter future”.

All of the 124 Republicans could be saved by the local population, as luckily enough the annual party of a Wall Street bank was held at Alfredo’s. The bank managers left their escorts at the tables and rushed to the beach to save the stranded mammals. Carl Laverson, head of Public Finance Equity at the bank, declared that “the task has been hard, but we couldn’t accept to lose 124 Republicans. I left my lobster tagliatelle there and ran to the beach like there is no quantitative easing”.

During the rescue operation, three bankers have been bitten by the Republicans and one had to be medicated. The doctors are trying to reattach the phalanx of his right index finger.

It is unclear what drove the Republicans to lose their path and land on the beach in Cape Cod. Prod. Bernard Schachelsteiner from the Marine Life Deparmente of Yale University, contacted by The Serpopard, declared that “the event is unheard of, since Republicans usually swim in deep, cold and dark waters”.

“A possible explanation is the one of Red Tide, the toxic algae that has become more present due to global warming” claims Prof. Schachelsteiner, “yet Republicans don’t believe in global warming, so it’s not an explanation”.

It is the fourth episode of stranded Republicans in the US this year.

Leave A Response