76% of Berlin population is working for Zalando

Posted on Apr 6 2019 - 11:33am by Andrea Julia Smith

Berlin, Germany – Following the latest expansion of fashion platform Zalando, the share of Berliners working for the company has now reached 76%. Three out of every four Berliners are now active for the company – so the latest report by Zalando.

“Our aim is to reach a full-Berlin Zalando employment situation by September this year” claims CEO Robert Gentz “and to create a new fordist model in the German capital, where people will receive money for Zalando and spend them back at Zalando”.

The news about the fashion company finally explains why at every social occasion you are just surrounded by people that work for Zalando. Be it a party in a WG, an impromptu smokers gathering on the Soho House terrace or a line at Deutsche Post to collect a Zalando parcel – the majority of your new acquaintances is working for Zalando.

“Possibly we don’t even need all of these people” continues Mr. Gentz. “It’s just for fun”.

Long gone are the times when Berlin was ridden by a sluggish job market: Basically now the city’s GDP is represented by the Zalando revenue.

Berlin major Michael Müller is also considering to get rid of the official statistical office and just present figures produced by the Zalando accounting department. “This move will save a lot of time and money for taxpayers – I mean, for Zalando employees – and the figures will be much more reliable”, claimed the Mr. Müller at a press conference at the Zalando headquarters last Friday.

Zalando is looking forward to take over all of the commercial spaces in town and convert them into Zalando offices. A bill to rename Berlin as “Zalandopia” is on its way, backed by all the parties represented in the city council.

Leave A Response