McDonald’s salary raise allows workers to leave side gigs as actors

Posted on Apr 10 2019 - 2:19pm by Zac De La Vigne

Chicago, Illinois – “I can’t believe this finally happened” claims Rita Bonheur, Head of French Fries at a Subway McDonald’s restaurant in Downtown Los Angeles. “Now that I make 11 bucks per hour I can finally leave those temporary jobs as actress in Hollywood films and spend my entire life here”.

Mrs. Bonheur’s happiness is shared by the global 375,000 employees active for the company worldwide – a cluster that represents the main sourcing pool for actors in global film production.

A recent study by the MIT revealed that McDonald’s employees represent 64% of all active actors in current productions and 94% of all extras.

“It was a nightmare” believes Fred Ponsatooney, Salad Chef in Chattanooga, Tennessee “as I could not concentrate on my passion to cut green leaves and had to be continuously distracted by calls of agents wanting me to play leading roles in Netflix series”.

The US Film Producers Guild had been trying for months to avert the move by McDonald’s. Francis Ford Ford, President of the Guild, commented that “global productions will have to face a shortage in actors supply and possibly projects will have to be halted, until we find another low-paying job sector that will make up for the loss”.

The guild is looking at other areas such as that of architects, journalists and lawyers, “people with some sort of preparation and professional attitude that would make great actors”, claims Mr. Ford Ford.

The first effects of the pay raise will be evident already in 2020, as George Clooney will leave the big screen to fully commit to his Hamburger Chef role in a highway McDonald’s somewhere in North Carolina. Hugh Jackman has already stepped back from his current productions to focus on cleaning toilets in a restaurant in Harlem.

“I have been offered the chance to play Ronald McDonalds at kids parties” claimed Mr. Jackman “but refused the part because I am f*ckin’ done with this acting sh*t”.

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