World dogs stunned by humans’ passion for their poo

Posted on Apr 3 2019 - 11:31am by Luger James

Chattanooga, Tennessee – Ariel is a five year old French Bulldog with some strong opinions about humans: “I mean, just leave it there! Why are you doing this?”

Ariel’s blunt remarks are a consequence of her long career as street poo-dropper – a path that first began when her owner, plumber Sandra Smith, used to reside in the Upper West Side in New York.

“I just remember exchanging embarrassed looks with other dogs on the walkway” remembers Ariel “and as we dropped our crap, our owners would waste no second to collect the turds. This is just disgusting”.

It is not yet clear what makes those “intelligent” monkey develop such a fetish for canine manure. “Possibly” believes Prof. Arthur Pacelli from the Columbia Institute for Psychology “this is due to problems at overcoming the Freudian anal phase”.

“Most interestingly” believes Prof. Pacelli “cat owners don’t show the same deviation as they just treat turds for what they are: something they don’t want to get in touch with and to be disposed of without further ado”.

Italian shepard dog Alberto is trying to teach his owners to get rid of the embarrassing habit: “I have been trying to satisfy my needs in secret places such as the basement or under short tables, so the produce can be hidden for some time at least”, claims the quadruped.

It is believed that crap collection is the main drive to convince millions of people to buy an animal whose life span may extend for up to twenty years, allowing them to interact with poo for three times per day – making a total of around 22,000 poo collections per dog.

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