Authorities warn: KitKat dark-room might just explode when reopened after corona

Posted on Mar 31 2020 - 8:52am by Klaretta Möller

Berlin, Germany – The Health and Perversion Affairs Office (HPAO) of Berlin has sent out a warning claiming that “the dark-room of the fetish club KitKat might just explode when reopened after the corona lockdown”.

It is a serious danger as thousands of citizens will flow to the space looking for promiscuous sex with strangers, unleashing the hormonal fury of weeks of forced quarantine and total sexual abstinence.

“The last time Berlin has seen so few sex has been for the few weeks following the Peace of Augsburg in 1555” claims Frau Otta von Luddenoff, director of the HPAO “and ever since we have been world famous for our promiscuity”.

The report claims that the combined force of freshly-released club goers in the dark-room might unleash a force of 15 kilotons – exactly the same of the Hiroshima atomic bomb in 1945.

“And we don’t want to see the city center of Berlin razed to the ground once again” claims Fray von Luddenoff “so we will almost certainly introduce a set of restrictions”.

So far no one of the habitual visitors of the KitKat dark-room has been infected by corona, possibly because the repeated experience in the environment allowed them to build a super-resistant immune system. “Possibly” concludes Frau von Luddenoff “Corona is just too scared to face the immune defenses of these people and chooses to stay at bay”.

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