Berlin, Germany – In a final act of commitment to the anti-climate change agenda, scores of cyclists in Berlin are choking to death to avoid breathing while pedaling, in order to prevent the emission of further CO2 into the atmosphere.
“At first I thought it was a joke” claims Jenne Mainerf, a French fashion designer residing in the German capital “but then I took part in this seminar and they told us that when we breathe we emit CO2 and this is not good for the environment, so…”.
Right after completing her last sentence, Mrs. Mainerf proceeded to introduce her head into a recyclable plastic bag and started pedalling to work, only to collapse a few yards later due to lack of oxygen.
Mrs. Mainerf was pronounced dead at the Charité clinic upon arrival, celebrated by a dozen of supporters.
The seminare attended by Mr. Mainerf is called “Responsible Breathing” and is booked out until 2024.
The “Choking Cyclists” fashion hit Berlin by storm and started converting more and more people to a more responsible lifestyle.
“We started by being vegan” declares Maximilian Rundemort, a hitman from the neighborhood of Kreuzberg “then we sold our cars, we disconnected the electricity, we switched off the heating and we started hanging around naked in order to save resources. This is the final step”.
Also Mr. Rundemort proceeded to stick his head into a recyclable plastic bag and then took a walk into a park, until he was saved by a passer-by who spotted his cyanotic face and saved him by ripping the bag open.
It is estimated that 7% of the Berlin population has already committed to the final climate sacrifice and has returned to the Lord. Lazslo Immergut, head of cremation services of the city, is skeptical. “We just cannot keep up with the demand for our service” he declared at a press conference “not to mention that also cremation produced CO2”.