Yoga teacher opens chakras and makes class levitate: five dispersed in Kreuzberg

Posted on Apr 30 2019 - 7:32am by Ricarda Stevenson

Berlin, Germany – It all happened within seconds: A careless yoga teacher opens the chakras of yogis in Kreuzberg, the yogis start levitating – and a sudden, stronger wind breeze sends them flying out in the skies of Berlin. Five of the practitioners are still dispersed, with survivors still shocked for the experience.

“This tragedy could have been prevented” declares Mariu Biondi, Head of the Anti-Witchcraft Unit at the Berlin Police “had the yoga teacher avoided using the powerful technique of chakra-opening and making everybody levitate”.

The teacher, Manfreda Bananase, is still being held for questioning at the police station in Kreuzberg. “She is our teacher and we miss her”, says Julia von Barenhofen, a yoga practitioner and follower of Mrs. Bananase. “The fact that she made us levitate and that strong winds took some people away in the skies, bound to a sure death, is just a minor thing that happens in the grand scheme of things”.

Another follower of Mrs. Bananase, drug dealer Oliver “Scoreman” Campbell, claims to have saved himself by suddenly closing the root chakra: “As I understood that the breeze was way too strong, I released a sudden, yet precise fart and closed the root chakra, safely landing on my bottom, still in the yoga studio”.

Mr. Biondi believes that the experiments of Mrs. Bananase had been going on for weeks, if not months – and that possibly this was not the first time that she made people levitate. “We’ll make sure she never gets any yard time in jail, or she could do one of her tricks and evade”, concludes Mr. Biondi.

Leave A Response