US to introduce “Tax on Influencers” to finance more serious stuff

Posted on Feb 9 2019 - 7:00pm by Zac De La Vigne

Washington, D.C. – In an unprecedented move, the White House declared today that a new tax on influencers may be introduced this year. “It’s a recognition that free-market capitalism failed” declared spokesperson Sarah Elizabeth Huckabee Sanders, “because to twit some b*llshit an influencer makes more money that an academic in a lifetime”.

The levy will be around 99% of the revenue realized by the influencer. “It’s still a lot of money left in the pocket of the guys” adds Mrs. Sanders “because like for a 250,000 USD tweed they bag now 2,500 USD, and that sounds more than generious”.

Influencers are considered the most evident signal that free-market is not able to reward those individuals that benefit society the most. People that spend their entire life fighting cancer or writing theater plays often struggle to make ends meet, whereas a bunch of posers on Instagram does basically nothing and cashes billions.

Prof. Lagdameo Fockers of the Alabama University, Department of Social Technology, believes that “the new tax was necessary to prevent a global revolt of serious people and the introduction of a strict form of marxism-leninism, getting rid of influencers’ manure altogether”.

The White House is also planning to introduce recovery camps for the followers, in order also to study what happened in their brains so that they started going after nothingnesses like the influencers.

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