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Washington, DC – After it was confirmed that UK Prime Minister and Donald Trump’s voodoo doll, Boris Johnson, tested positive for Covid-19, Americans have begun to hope that Trump will experience symptoms via voodoo which will be intense enough to momentarily end his shitshow of a government response. “I normally loose brain cells whenever the President speaks, but the way he fumbles his response to such a serious matter makes me wish I had a Trump voodoo doll to stab” said Horace Feldman, a Philadelphia resident. “Like, if coronavirus is an...Continue reading »

Our cook-extraordinaire Jean-Claude goes all-in with his own recipe for pizza! Feeling bored during lockdown? No problem! Spice up your life with some great cuisine! ...

Berlin, Germany – The Health and Perversion Affairs Office (HPAO) of Berlin has sent out a warning claiming that “the dark-room of the fetish club KitKat might just explode when reopened after the corona lockdown”. It is a serious danger as thousands of citizens will flow to the space looking for promiscuous sex with strangers, unleashing the hormonal fury of weeks of forced quarantine and total sexual abstinence. “The last time Berlin has seen so few sex has been for the few weeks following the Peace of...Continue reading »

Los Angeles, California – Famous Mobster John Rambone sees no significant change in his living condition after the state of California ordered 40 million residents to stay in. “I have been biding my time here with my son Vito and my wife Anna for the last three years” claims the criminal “and the fact that now we have to remain home does not change my routine a bit”. Mr. Rambone says that he will be spending the rest of his sentence and the rest of the quarantine in his villa with pool in San Pedro (Los Angeles) “and will...Continue reading »

Motevallo, Alabama – Like many around the world who have been forced to alter their plans amidst Coronavirus outbreak, American college student Tristan Alvarez and his friends were forced to cancel their spring break vacation to Amsterdam. Many of his friends were disappointed about the cancellation, but Tristan was secretly relieved since his friend had booked them to stay the entire week in a hotel run by gnomes, which he says would have been weird. The Gnome Hotel in Amsterdam “Gnome hotels are fricken weird,” stated Tristan. “The only movie you...Continue reading »


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