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Yes, it is true: you should not be there. Within the millions of people that take the subway every day, you are the only normal person. Yet, some mistake in society and destiny at large forces you to travel with the tube as well. This is the staggering result of a years-long research led by Prof. Manfred Schichterhofenstein at New York University. “It is without any shadow of doubt” confirms Prof. Schichterhofenstein “that we can confirm you don’t belong to the bunch of depressed, personal-hygiene avoiding,...Continue reading »

No cars and no trucks: It has been years in the planning and now it is ready to be rolled out: the city policy of the Berlin government is to transform the city into Beijing anno 1974. “We just cannot wait to admire a landscape of Berliners packing up bags and bags of belongings on their bike and pedal their way to work as if we were in China right before the start of the economic revolution” claims Gerhard Schmitt, the counselor responsible for the new traffic policy of the German capital. “This will be the true happiness! Pedaling the...Continue reading »

Berlin, Germany – A secret memo leaked to The Serpopard reveals a truth that many were suspecting: e-scooters are meant to kill people in order to free up space in town and solve the rent problem. The document, penned by the Green Party, states that “Berlin should not end up like San Francisco or London”, and that an immediate solution is required. Possibly, the measure “will target younger citizens in particular, so to solve also the issue of people that enjoy clubbing or loud music”, considered “possibly...Continue reading »

Berlin, Germany – It all happened within seconds: A careless yoga teacher opens the chakras of yogis in Kreuzberg, the yogis start levitating – and a sudden, stronger wind breeze sends them flying out in the skies of Berlin. Five of the practitioners are still dispersed, with survivors still shocked for the experience. “This tragedy could have been prevented” declares Mariu Biondi, Head of the Anti-Witchcraft Unit at the Berlin Police “had the yoga teacher avoided using the powerful technique of chakra-opening...Continue reading »

Berlin, Germany – “We are thinking about introducing specific speed-limits for senior citizens on bicycles” claims Marka Bakera, director of a city project to limit accidents caused by pedaling old people. “Since the beginning of the year, speed-traps have detected more than 500 episodes of retired Berliners reaching velocities above 120 km/h”. The incredible thing is that no-one can still explain why these people are so fast. It is an experience that every Berliner has gone through: say you are relatively...Continue reading »