Fort Meade, Maryland – Facebook is completing its last step towards a full integration into the National Security Agency. “That old system with Facebook giving us all the millions of private data we wanted – it wasn’t working anymore” declared NSA Director Michael S. Rogers. “The most efficient solution appeared to be that of a full integration, and so we did”. “We are setting up a new process where private informations are mandatory”, adds Michael S. Rogers. “For example, instead...Continue reading »

Denver, Colorado – A new study by the University of Denver, Colorado, revealed that the vast majority of millennials are currently writing a series for Netflix. “It’s not surprising at all” believes Prof. Andreas Sturgeon, one of the co-authors of the study. “Every single time you chat with a millennial, he ends up telling you that he’s currently writing a new series for Netflix”. Most interestingly, each one of the millennials can rely on “some sort of contact” with a Netflix commissioning...Continue reading »

Madison, Wisconsin – “It was really a no brainer: just read the text” claims Rodrigo Armentador, president of the World Stalkers Association. “there is no better song in the world than It ain’t over til it’s over by Lenny Kravitz to be our anthem” Jeremy Southbell, a famous stalker from Nebraska, is supportive of the decision: “These ryhmes… These are exactly the words that echo in my mind ever since I targeted my stalking victim 24 years ago after a one-night stand. I have been about to...Continue reading »

Auroville, India – Shanti Saghrawhali is a 43 years old guru from Kerala that never worked a single day his entire life, never even entered an office, and is a staunch bachelor – and he is great at explaining you how you should work and have a happy family. The secret? “Have no real work and no family”, claims the guru in his publications. “He’s just great at producing superficial platitudes with a deep, eloquent tone of voice” explains Antonina Poletti, a former respectable manager from San Francisco...Continue reading »

Washington, D.C. – Continuing a long tradition respected by presidents such as JFK and Bill Clinton, also president Trump is providing precious material to newspaper all around the nations concerning his extra-marital adventure – so the White House just accepted it and opened a “Department of Presidential Affairs”. National Security Advisor Elmo declares that “it’s just a way to ensure that all the women claiming to have had an affair with the President receive adequate attention”. Elmo penned the blueprint...Continue reading »