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Berlin, Germany – The German Parliament has unanimously voted to abandon the German language within four years since the cryptic idiom is just not a fit for the contemporary world. German Chancellor Angela Merkel praised the choice in her speech at the Bundestag: “We are finally getting rid of a real burden for our country: a language that has been for centuries the one and only reason we couldn’t have a say in the global arena besides selling cars. German is too much, with all its absurd rules and squeaky sounds that made...Continue reading »

London, UK – “It’s absolutely unconceivable: some Russian in London dies for food poisoning and they immediately point the finger at us”: these are the words of London resident Spy Stefan Vasiliev, aka plumber John Smith, head of the Association for Russian Spies in London – a 102,000 members strong network. In the opinion of Mr. Vasiliev aka Smith, “it’s clear that they are throwing on us the responsibility for bad sushi quality in London, that keeps on killing Russians”. The sushi quality is...Continue reading »

New York, NY – The law Firm “Ben, Benson & Bensonmum” from New York launched today an app called “iConsent” to close instant consent contracts between wannabe sexual partners. “This is the definitive answer to all those discussions about what constitutes consent” claims the Head of Digital Development of the firm, Carlos Martin Jr. “The way it works is quite straightforward” claims Mr. Martin Jr: “Before a possible intimate situation both partners will simply log on on the app...Continue reading »

Washington, D.C. – We all thought they were here for us: we might have believed they wanted to save our planet, or destroy it. Yet, the Navy video showing an unidentified object cruising at ludicrous speed over the sea surface was just Jeremy Clarkson shooting an episode of the upcoming “Grand Tour” season on Amazon. It’s not the first time that the journalist trio Jeremy Clarkson, David Hammond and James May try out some funny vehicle to entertain their spectators. We have seen them driving mud-build cars, cow-leather...Continue reading »

Salt Lake City, UT – The Curch of Crossfit inaugurated its largest temple to date in Salt Lake City. The complex can host hourly classes for 7,200 adepts at the same time in a massive box the size of four football pitches. The Pope of Crossfit, Berengario Kettle Bell III, claimed in a press conference that “the opening of the new temple in Salt Lake City represents a new era for Crossfit believers, that now have an entire city where the trivialities of non-crossfit life will not distract us”. In other words, people will enjoy...Continue reading »