Yes, it is true: you should not be there. Within the millions of people that take the subway every day, you are the only normal person. Yet, some mistake in society and destiny at large forces you to travel with the tube as well.
This is the staggering result of a years-long research led by Prof. Manfred Schichterhofenstein at New York University. “It is without any shadow of doubt” confirms Prof. Schichterhofenstein “that we can confirm you don’t belong to the bunch of depressed, personal-hygiene avoiding, annoyingly intoxicated, rude and less-affluent people taking the tube”.
“Possibly subway companies from all over the world have been trying to rebrand public transportation as a means of reducing CO2 emissions” continues the researcher “yet this is not enough to conceal the truth: people ride subway trains because they cannot afford a car”.
The New York City Subway (NYCS) has been reportedly trying to stop the research because of fears that the news would exert a negative impact on train users. “Nevertheless, the main result is that every single train rider is the only normal person, so this should make people happier” believes Prof. Schichterhofenstein”.
NYCS eventually planned a communication campaign to spread the results of the research. Marina Irina Popalova, Head of Brainwashing Strategies at NYCS, is the mind behind the new promotion: “We will use the digital boards and the monitors in the train. Every now and then, between useless news about the British Royalty or VIP dating updates, there will be blunt messages such as ‘You are the only normal person’, or ‘You are different than them’. They will be like flashes, like you don’t really know if you saw them”.
Prof. Schichterhofenstein has a piece of advice: “just don’t tell the others that you are the only normal person. They wouldn’t accept it.”